Welcome to my journey through emotional abuse. God used my difficult experiences to teach me the dynamics of toxic relationships and led me to healing and recovery. If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationships, won't you join me in recovering the life that God, your loving Father, intended for you?
What is Emotional Abuse?
Abuse is any behavior designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and assaults. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse and constant criticism, as well as subtle tactics including intimidation, manipulation and refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse systematically wears away the victim's self-confidence, sense of worth, trust in their own perceptions.
Abuse is any behavior designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and assaults. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse and constant criticism, as well as subtle tactics including intimidation, manipulation and refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse systematically wears away the victim's self-confidence, sense of worth, trust in their own perceptions.
Emotional abuse may be obvious like berating, belittling and destructive criticism, or less obvious under the guise of teaching, guidance, or advice. If the intent of abuser is to control and subjugate the victim, the victim losses their sense of value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating harm that may be far deeper and more lasting than scars from physical abuse.
Types of Emotional Abuse:*
1. Aggressing - Aggressive behaviors are usually direct and obvious with motive to control and demean. The abuser assumes a one-up position as a parent would relate to a child, undermining equality and autonomy essential to healthy adult relationships.Examples:
- Accusing
- Threatening
- Ordering
- Destructive criticism
- Cross-examination
2. Denying - Behavior intended to distort and undermine victim invalidates their perceptions of reality. Also, withholding information, refusing to listen and communicate, and withdrawing emotionally as punishment (silent treatment) robs victim of their own voice and identity. A third form of denying is countering where the abuser views the victim as an extension of themselves and disallows feelings and viewpoints differing from their own.
Examples:
King Solomon explains the concept of denying in Proverbs 26:19:
- Abuser says, "I never said that." "I don't know what you're talking about."
- Silent treatment.
- Refusing to answer.
- Leaving the room instead of resolving conflict.
- Withdrawing affection.
"Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, "I was only joking."3. Minimizing - Abuser questions victim's perception and emotional experience or reaction to an event deeming them faulty, wrong, or untrustworthy. By trivializing the abuser communicates that what another person has said or done is unimportant. With minimizing, the victim's perceptions of reality are invalidated.Example:
- Abuser says, "You're crazy."
- Dismissing feelings
- Abuser says, "You shouldn't feel that way."
*Summary of Emotional Abuse adapted from the booklet entitled, "Emotional Abuse" available from University of Illinois, Urbana-champaign Counseling Center, Department of Student Affairs booklet entitled, Emotional Abuse."
Dear God, with Valentine's Day around the corner, I'm supposed to feel happy. Instead, disenchantment floods my mind, because I don't have a man to love me. Heart-shaped balloons and fancy decorated cupcakes haunt me at the grocery store. Ads for gifts flood social media. Even Seven-Eleven sells roses for last-minute lovers. The office provides no solace. Excited women gather to chat and giggle about upcoming dates, romantic dinners and jewelry they hope to receive. Cards and flowers adorn every desk except mine. When I arrive home from work, no one greets me--silence and darkness await. Who cares that I'm late? Who knows if I'm sick or sad? Who shares my sorrows and joys? It's not that I don't want someone to love. You know I've tried to develop meaningful relationships, but in the end nothing lasts except disappointment. God, my loneliness screams louder than the annoying buzz of the refrigerator keeping me company at night. God, what am I to do? Samantha My Dear Samantha, I've seen your precious heart trampled and betrayed as you wonder if you will ever find a suitable husband. I know how living alone depresses you, especially on a Hallmark holidays such as Valentine's Day. When you arrive home from work downcast, although you don't see Me, I am waiting for you. On days your heart feels sick or empty, I offer you My compassions and tender care. In the night as tears soak your pillow, I wipe each one. Many women settle for mass-produced cards with sentiments that fade along with their relationships. But, I wrote you a treasure of love letters in the Bible to express My everlasting love for you. Samantha, My mind overflows with caring thoughts of you all the time, not merely one day of the year. Red balloons pop. Chocolates disappear. Pink. flowers wilt. But My faithful love remains with you for eternity. I know you need someone that's faithful and strong. If you give Me your undivided affection, I'll lavish you with My love until you believe that I am the One you're trying to find to fill the hole in your heart. Samantha, will you join Me for supper at My house on February 14 to share an appetizer of wine and bread? Will you be My forever Valentine? Love, God
Winding my way to God began when Daddy dropped me off at church.
I hate Christmas. When I think of celebrating, sadness wraps around me like a heavy, drab coat.
When I realized abuse resides in my home, I trembled and cried. God what should I do?
How could I stop the hurtful relationships? How could I overcome the heartache they caused?
I remember the first time I feared my husband . . .
My tumultuous emotions crashed like waves against boulders. Why do I feel beaten?
When I hear the news about the rapid spread of Coronavirus, anxiety grips my heart.
Feeling lonely hurts, but no matter how helpless and forgotten you feel, find hope here.
God, where are you in the midst of this pandemic?
